Not tired, just lazy!?

I am almost done with Radiation Therapy. Two more treatments to go; Monday and Tuesday. If you see me with my arms akimbo, I'm not signifying anything. I have some burns under my left arm from the radiation. Feels better with my hand on my hip, with my arm away from my body. The burns are relatively minor and so are the blisters on my back. The radiation therapists and the docs are very careful and are always checking on me. It seems that I continue to be very lucky and, although I have some reactions and problems with treatment, it's no big thing. A dose of ibuprofen and some high-test moisturizer and I'm good to go.

The biggest side effect they warned me about with Radiation Therapy was fatigue. I can't say that I'm particularly tired. I'm just so not motivated to do anything. I feel like I could sit on my favorite chair (in front of the computer) until the house falls down around me. People say I'm entitled to do just that, but I just feel so lazy...

Rad Tx and friends

So, ten radiation treatments done; 15 to go. They are very easy now. Actually, except for the social aspect, they are kind of boring. Arrive; change into a gown; wait; go to the treatment room; climb up on the treatment table; assume the position; therapists check table position and leave the room; first treatment - radiate radiate radiate radiate; therapists return to set up next position; second treatment - radiate radiate radiate radiate; set up for third position; third treatment - radiate radiate radiate radiate; position for last treatment; radiate radiate radiate radiate! The treatment takes about 20 minutes. I usually fall asleep. When not asleep, I visualize; usually the sun beaming down on a tree canopy, bringing life. Seems powerful.

I do get to meet new people who are experiencing the same thing. I spend time in the waiting room, visiting with new friends that I see every day who have the time slot before and after me. I guess it's the shared experience. We are becoming close and I'll miss them when I'm done!

Wah, wah!

May I gripe a little about how my time is used these days? I have so many medical and cancer-related appointments. Radiation Therapy every day, Monday through Friday. Herceptin treatments every three weeks. Blood tests every other week. Surgical follow-up visits. Medical Oncologist appointments, Radiation Oncologist appointments, etc. etc. Now, don't get me wrong, I am so very grateful for and appreciative of all of the treatments and care that I am getting. It's all keeping me alive and healthy and I love it. I'm just getting tired. Seems like I don't have many uninterrupted hours. Hours uninterrupted by a trip to Sinai. It kind of reminds me, a little, of when Olivia was very small. You get small parcels of time when your kids are little. An hour here, two hours there. Then it's time to care for the little angels again. That was a wonderful time and I love Olivia and her brother Alex so, so much that taking care of them was a pleasure. They were (and are) precious and adorable and very, very dear. Not so for cancer. I loathe the cancer. I despise it. If I could I would smack it right in the face. Squash the living daylights out of it. I would love to hook it up to the bumper of my car and drag it up and down York Road until it's a bloody mess. But I can't. So, instead, I offer myself up to the wonderful folks at Sinai to bash the cancer for me. Often.

Radiation Tx the First

Had my first Radiation Therapy treatment last week. All I have to say is: Ouch! It was hard to have my arms up over my head for one hour and twenty minutes. There were tears, but I held still and we did some good work. The therapists and physicist were working very hard for me. They were very skilled and compassionate. The reason why it took so long is because there is so much set-up and planning involved in the first treatment. Subsequent treatments will be much shorter. Maybe fifteen minutes. Whew! I was grateful once again that my body is strong and my recovery is good. I really thought that I was doing some damage that would hurt later. But, nothing hurt later.

While I was lying there, I decided to write a reminder for my female friends and relatives: Do your monthly self-exam!! Get regular mammograms!! Please! Had I not neglected self exams, because I was too afraid, and put off my last mammogram, because I was 'too busy', I might not have been laying on that cold slab having my arms pulled off. So, do those exams and get that mammo. Guys, remind the women that you love to do these things. Tell them Jane made you do it, if necessary!

More About Hockins

A hilarious addendum to last night's post about the bill from Hopkins for the Breast Cancer Clinical Trial interview. I opened a letter received in the mail from them. They want me to contribute to the "Fund for Johns Hopkins Medicine"! Oh, the irony. I can't stop laughing...

A Raw Deal

I have given up the fight with Johns Hopkins. On Aug 16, I blogged about my experience with trying to enter a Breast Cancer Clinical Trial at Hopkins. I had received a bill for almost $400.00 and was upset that it could cost me money to participate in a trial. I mean, who ever heard of paying money to be in a drug regimen trial? I hadn't, but apparently I'm behind the curve. I called and called Hopkins. The Billing Dept, the Outpatient Medical office, and Dr Emens herself, twice. Dr Emens was just emphatic that the interview she gave me earlier in the month was billable to my insurance and that whatever portion of the bill not paid by my insurance was up to me to pay. She told me that this was standard practice, that all her interviews for the trial were billable. This was new to me but, as I said, I am out of the loop. Sometime in the last 15 years, doctors and medical institutions starting billing insurance companies for trial activities like interviews and blood tests. Surprisingly, the insurance companies pay for 'reasonable and customary' fees. And the rest is left up to the insured, just like 'real' medical care. Who knew? Still, I kept arguing with Hopkins and Dr Emens. I was not told until after the fact that I would be billed for the interview.I was billed just as if I had sought medical treatment at Hopkins, which I didn't, because I get perfectly adequate - better than adequate!, wonderful! - treatment from my docs at Sinai. Not to mention the fact that finances are tough now for us. I usually only work two days per week; quite a drop in pay! The "I can't afford this because I have cancer and have been unable to work much" excuse holds absolutely no water with anyone at Hopkins. Plus, when I told some of the story to my Oncologist, she knew the secret already - that patients now pay to be in clinical trials. So, instead of letting Hopkins send my bill to a collection agency and ruin my good credit, I pay. Not much at a time, though. I did manage to weasel them into only $10.00 per month with no interest!

A Plus!

Yay - no more binding, crushing, smashing, restrictive giant sports bras! And no extra layer to capture sweat! Just me and a t-shirt! (And pants, of course.) Ahhhh...