Chemo - Day 1

Hi - I want to tell you a little about what happened on the first day of chemo but first I need to thank you all very much for your prayers, thoughts, messages of encouragement, phone calls and good wishes! They are all communication from your spirit to mine (and God's). I believe that we are all connected - this is not just New Age touchy-feely stuff. When I study the sciences, I learn more about how we are all connected, physically (really!). Many religions teach that we are all one, and so we are. You thoughts send me POWER and I feel it. Thanks! By the way, if someone could communicate the winning Lotto numbers ahead of time, I'd appreciate that too!

So, Chemo, Day1:

Took about 4 hours. Started with port access, blood test, steroid injection, anti-upchuck meds, etc. Then came two injections over ten minutes of the "Red Devil", Adriamycin (don't google it - too scary!). Then, a one hour infusion of Cytoxen (ditto on the google-ing). The nurses and staff at the Sinai Hospital Infusion Center are awesome! On this first day of chemo, we had so many staff visitors giving us support and info that we never even turned on the TV and I didn't finish a single crossword puzzle! I felt real good when we left so we went out to lunch and then stopped at Princeton Sports. Got home, took a nap and felt crappy when I woke up - headache and nausea. Drank lots of water, breathed, walked around and visited with David and N. Felt much better by 6:30 pm and ate an old standby - saltines and tomato soup! And I can't leave out 'The Simpsons' therapy. Comes on channel 54 at 6:00 and 7:00.

Good News and Bad News

More pathology results. I got some more details from the Oncologist. My cancer cells are the type with HER2NEU receptors. If you remember the cartoon of a cell that you learned about in Science class, picture it with some HER2NEU 'spikes' on the outside wall. The spikes are the receptors; receptors pick up chemicals that tell the cell what to do. The bad news first - cancer cells with these receptors are aggressive and grow fast. (could be why I 'suddenly' noticed a lump in my armpit.) The good news is that there is a treatment that very specifically targets these cancer cells and not a whole lot else AND the treatment is very effective. The treatment contains HER2NEU antibodies - yep, antibodies are what your body makes when you have an invasion of bacteria or virus like when you get a cold or are exposed to the flu. So, I get injected with these lab-created antibodies that travel through my bloodstream and ATTACK the cancer cells! This is called TARGETED therapy and creates a lot fewer side effects. I stiil need to do conventional chemotherapy first, but then I get Herceptin (the fancy antibodies) for a few months.

Let's Go!

I wish it were Friday so that chemo could get started! I feel strong and healthy and SO ready to let the battle begin!

Rue the day

Oh, oh, oh! Ten minutes after my tirade last night I really regretted it. The worker is only doing the best that she can. It's a funny system, the Department of Social Services and Foster Care, I think that the worker has a huge case load and has developed survival skills over the years. If it's not a crisis, it doesn't get attention so asking nicely, calmly, being reasonable doesn't even register! Must be why the tirade was so successful. I will be very kind when I call her back to apologise - humans should always share the love. It's all about - it's only about - the love. But, the devil in me is saying to wait until she accomplishes what I need her to, then apologise. Heh.

Meltdown #1

I totally lost it tonight! Even though David and I were both off today and we took a beautiful walk in the woods, by 7:30pm I had had it. I found out this morning a couple more pathology results from the biopsy I had a couple of weeks ago. Turns out, I qualify for a Trial - a study done by cancer researchers. This is not so good! Also, my Chemo Orientation class was tonight from 5 to 6:30. LOTS of really scary stuff (although the staff of the Cancer Center are wonderful). Confirmed my worst fears about what the chemo will be like. Even after all this, I was still holding my own. Still cheerful and determined to do the battle of my life. I still felt like a lioness! After this, David and I tried to pick up N___'s prescriptions at the pharmacy. Then followed a series of roadblocks and frustrations, the upshot of which was that, after ONE MONTH of efforts to make sure N___ (our foster child and a wonderful distraction from all the cancer doom and gloom) could continue his very important medications, we were back at square one! Not only were the prescriptions we were given invalid, but N___'s insurance cards were no good! Well, here's where I lost it. I called the poor unfortunate (useless!) social worker and essentially ripped her a new one (Pardon the crudity). I was screaming and sobbing into the phone about chemo treatments and how I had no more capacity to chase down the solution to this problem because I WAS GOING TO BE A LITTLE BUSY THROWING UP THIS WEEKEND!! Well, as it turns out, this was precisely the method necessary to get this woman to go into action and help us with a problem that she had a large role in creating. She agreed to take over all the necessary phone calls and road trips to fix it. Note to self: Next time I need something from the DSS, make a complete idiot of yourself in the middle of the CVS! Worked great!

Mom

One of the first things I said to my sister after I found out that I have breast cancer is that I'm glad Mom isn't here to experience this with us. Don't get me wrong - I'd LOVE to have my Mom on the Posse! I miss her very much and I would really benefit from her care and concern and her help! But, as a mom myself, I know that it would cause me intense pain if my Olivia ever got cancer. My Mom would be hurting right now and I'm glad to spare her that. I'd take the cancer a hundred times over if it would spare my daughter, stepson, grandson, husband, sister, brother, niece, nephew or godchild. So, rest in peace, Mom. We'll handle this. And we'll win, too!