Oh, crap! I just read a Facebook post from "The Pink Ribbon" folks that a woman dies from breast cancer every 15 minutes! I hate reading stuff like that. Most of the time, these days, I don't think much about having had cancer, but something always reminds me. Earlier today, I sat next to a woman in the Infusion Center who told me that this was her third round with breast cancer! Had it in 1999, 2004 and now! Bless her heart for fighting the good fight but I didn't need to hear that either. Maybe I just need to turn my thinking around. I need to thank my luck stars, the beneficent gods and all the other spirits out there. I am HEALTHY and strong and grateful to be reminded of that very important fact!

Last year...

Yesterday, it had been one year since I found out from Dr Rhonda Fishel that I had Stage 3A breast cancer. A few days ago, I had another PET/CT scan. Unlike the nasty looking one from last year, this one was clean! No cancer to be seen on the scan!
What a year it's been. Physically, it's been the worst year of my life. Emotional, it ranks right up there with the worst I've had. I was sick from chemotherapy, mutilated by surgery and burned by radiation therapy. But, I'm am so, so very grateful for all of the treatment because it brought me where I am now. A one-year cancer survivor!
I lost my Dad and a brother-in-law to cancer. Both of them never really recovered from their treatment. Their year was a steady downhill until they finally passed on. The end of my story is so very different. I am very blessed...

Get a Mammo Reminder !

The American Cancer Society offers a free reminder tool for your mammogram. They'll send you a message when it's time to have a mammo. Here's the link:

http://acsremindme.com/hma/modify_subscription.php?CID=288

As someone who put off her mammogram until it was almost too late, I highly recommend it! If you are going to get breast cancer, wouldn't you rather know it when you are in Stage 0 rather than in Stage 3 like me? Please, my darling friends, try this tool. I love you too much not to pass this on!

              As I sit here writing this blog entry, Bruce Cockburn's "You've Never Seen Everything" is blaring out of the stereo, filling up my house. I love it! I haven't played music like this for months and months and today it feels good. Although the physical healing from cancer treatment is almost completely done, the spiritual healing takes a little longer. Cancer is a bully that bruises your soul. It mauls your confidence. It takes your psyche out in the back alley and stomps on it. It is all-consuming to the point that you can lose yourself for a while and forget some of the things that make you happy. But, the spirit is strong in us humans. Mine is resurrecting. Hope is back.

It's just amazing that, given everything I've been through this year, I feel so normal! It just boggles my mind - the enormity of it all. Diagnosis, chemotherapy, surgery, surgery again and radiation therapy. Except for missing my boobs, I feel exactly the same as I did last year. Impressive! Go figure, though...

The leaves did it.

One thing cancer has taught me is that life is very precious! Of course, our own lives are precious and so are the lives of the people we love. But, the world is also very beautiful and precious. For me, it increasingly seems well worth the effort to try to be in the moment and enjoy and appreciate the world around me. It would be tragic for anyone, with or without cancer, to realize this on their last day! Better to learn to see beauty and find joy sooner rather than later.
In that spirit I offer this observation; it's sort-of  'practice' for being more in the world.
On the way home from work today, the trees were beautiful. This fall has been a good one and today the yellow, orange, red and brown leaves were shimmering in the golden afternoon sunlight. It was that time of day, 3:30pm, when the light slants a bit and increases the depth of field. Looking all around at this beautiful stuff made me feel good and made me so much nicer to other drivers. There are perfectly good human beings encased in all that metal, glass and plastic! Maybe I managed to pass on my good mood in some way...

When I pulled off the hospital parking lot the other day, I had to pay full price for parking. That's a sure sign that things are getting back to normal for me. No more frequent flyer discount for parking! Yay (sort of)!