It gets better, I promise...

February 28, 2010 - Sick from chemotherapy; weak from two months of nasty chemicals. I can walk around the block or even do a small amount of cross-country skiing on a really good day. Looking forward, I still have to go through mastectomies and radiation therapy. I have cancer, and there's no telling if the treatment will be totally effective.

Fast forward to February 28, 2011. I look like a monster with my shirt off - or maybe like an old man - concave chest and big belly. BUT (and this is a very big, important but), I am so healthy, so strong and so happy! The cancer is gone, the surgery is long over and the chemo and rad therapy are now only memories. AND today, I am in Utah in the Big Cottonwood canyon, skiing. Downhill skiing all day today at Brighton and I'm skiing better than ever! It's a surprise to me that, at age 54, I am still capable of improving my skiing skills. But to be able to get better at it after all that junk, well, it's amazing and humbling. I am a lucky, lucky person!

Tomorrow, we go to Snowbird...

I think it's all gonna be OK

Had the biopsy yesterday. It was a lot like I remember from the last one. Except a tad more uncomfortable. It was not because of anything the doc or nurses did or didn't do. The lumps that they were sampling were smaller than the last time and just below the surface of the skin. The bumps are also right on top of my ribs - I've got no more breast tissue! So, I felt a lot of pressure. I felt the doc bearing down to send the core biopsy needle into my chest wall. But, I really didn't feel the needle sick at all because of the local anesthetic. And maybe a little bit because I've still got (and may always have) some numbness.

Oh, heck, I am just getting so tired of having 'things' done! I guess it would just be unreasonable to expect that, after the treatment is all done, that nothing medical will need attention in my life anymore. Especially since I'm getting older, too. I can dream, though, right?

I was, however, encouraged by the things the Radiologist said during the procedure. She couldn't and, smartly, wouldn't say anything definitive because the ultimate answer will be the results from pathology. But, I've worked with radiologists long enough to recognize when they are not concerned for tumor. Statements like "I'm not very impressed with that" and  "Squishy, squishy that's what we like" were music to my ears! So, next week when I go skiing, I will be thinking about my knee position and facing down the hill, not about a cancer recurrence.

I'm off to the Breast Center at Northwest Hospital today for a biopsy. I found two small lumps on my left side about 8 days ago. Two docs, both my Oncologist and Radiation Oncologist have taken a look and are not particularly worried. They think the lumps might be scar tissue because they appear, actually on both sides, near the end of the scars. It would also be incredibly bad luck to have a recurrence of the cancer right now. If it has come back, it is quite virulent. It would have had to survive the five months of chemo and 24 radiation treatments and bilateral mastectomies! Also, the PET/CT scan I had just this past December was clear; it showed no remaining disease.

So, given all that, I'm not especially worried about today. I might have ignored the lumps but now is the time to be vigilent, not to assume that everything's OK. But, the docs want me to go ahead with the biopsy anyway - just to be sure...

Oh, my eyes!

Well, shucks, Clem, mah eyelashes fell out agin! They jus' don't make 'em like they use ta. Las pair ah had lasted me nigh onta 53 year. This here last set only lasted 3 dang months! What's this whirl comin' to?

Another soul in the stew pot! But, I get to help...

A friend of mine asked me for some info for a friend of hers who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. I have to tell you that, while I am so very glad that I have come out on the other side, I do really like passing on what I learned. Feels like the whole experience had some greater meaning...

Hi K____ -


The best source of info about any side effects from the chemo is from the nurses in the Infusion Center - the nurses in the unit where she will get her chemo. They see everything - as opposed to the docs - and are the best people to talk to about chemo. By now, maybe your friend has had a tour of the place and can get in touch with them. Also, a good thing to remember is that we are the benefactors of many years experience in chemo treatment. Nowadays, they give you steroids and anti emetics that are very effective in preventing the most dramatic side effects. For most people, the days of serious vomiting and weight loss from chemo are over. They have also discovered that an equally effective dose can be much lower. For example, I received less than half the milligrams of Adriamycin (the Red Devil) that patients did just a few years ago so that alone lowers the side effects. Thanks to all our sisters with breast cancer who have gone before us! Chemo is no picnic and I feel for your friend. I'm so glad to be on the other side of it! Please send her my love and encouragement. She might want to check out my blog at janesposse.blogspot.com.

Oh, crap! I just read a Facebook post from "The Pink Ribbon" folks that a woman dies from breast cancer every 15 minutes! I hate reading stuff like that. Most of the time, these days, I don't think much about having had cancer, but something always reminds me. Earlier today, I sat next to a woman in the Infusion Center who told me that this was her third round with breast cancer! Had it in 1999, 2004 and now! Bless her heart for fighting the good fight but I didn't need to hear that either. Maybe I just need to turn my thinking around. I need to thank my luck stars, the beneficent gods and all the other spirits out there. I am HEALTHY and strong and grateful to be reminded of that very important fact!

Last year...

Yesterday, it had been one year since I found out from Dr Rhonda Fishel that I had Stage 3A breast cancer. A few days ago, I had another PET/CT scan. Unlike the nasty looking one from last year, this one was clean! No cancer to be seen on the scan!
What a year it's been. Physically, it's been the worst year of my life. Emotional, it ranks right up there with the worst I've had. I was sick from chemotherapy, mutilated by surgery and burned by radiation therapy. But, I'm am so, so very grateful for all of the treatment because it brought me where I am now. A one-year cancer survivor!
I lost my Dad and a brother-in-law to cancer. Both of them never really recovered from their treatment. Their year was a steady downhill until they finally passed on. The end of my story is so very different. I am very blessed...