Went to the surgeon's office today for a post-op checkup. He (Dr Effron, Dr Fishel's associate) took out 3 of the 5 drains that I came home from the hospital with. He also changed the bandages and said that everything looks good. I was so happy to get those drains removed. Now I don't have to wear the fanny pack 24/7. I can tuck the remaining two drains in the cute lil pockets in the compression camisole. I can't complain because things are going so well but it sure will be nice to have all the drains gone and smaller bandages! Right now, it feels like I have on an uncomfortable article of clothing, like an uncomfortable bra or pants or a dress that's scratchy or maybe shoes that don't fit. You know how you can't wait to get home, or even just to the car, to rip off the offending item? That's kindof how it feels with the drains and bandages. But, they'll be gone soon!

My sister-in-law asked me tonight if I knew the result of the pathology yet. I had completely forgotten that I have pending news about that! Totally slipped my mind - I guess because I already know that I have cancer and I already know that some of it is still in a lymph node on the left side. The big question to be answered is whether there is a any disease on the right side. I'm thinking there isn't, so I guess I'm just not worried about that!

Yay! It's over! Now, instead of getting anxious about my surgery, I can get busy recovering. Well, not too busy because resting is one of the most important things I have to do. I have some pain but it's controlled very nicely

A common theme on this blog turns out to be the value of human connection. I believe that, to stay healthy in our mind, we need to work and we need to have meaningful interactions with other people. Whether you believe that evolution or Divine Creation has produced these basic needs for work and friends, I think they are essential to life. Case in point - I have been anxious this past 24 hours about my impending surgery. I wasn't able to sleep last night and couldn't stop thinking about it today. It's only natural, right? It's a big surgery and a lot is riding on success. Well, I just got back home from a visit with my good friend and voila! - I feel much better! Thanks, Di! We didn't really talk a whole lot about the surgery. We talked about our kids, our lives, books we're reading, etc. Just being out and having a face-to-face conversation with someone I care about was good medicine!

Flatland

The days are dwindling down to a precious few before Wednesday - surgery day. I have this feeling that, no matter how much I think about it, I'm not going to really know in advance what my reaction will be to having no breasts. I'm not afraid of the surgery itself. I'm sure I'll wake up and be OK and I'll recover just fine. And I have so much wonderful support in my family and friends. Nobody can prepare me, though, for having a flat chest. No breast tissue, no nipples, no nothing except a flap of skin that we might use later for reconstruction. Ugh! Our image of the female body always includes a bust of one kind or another. I might feel less than female. But I also might feel just fine about it. Especially after the shock of seeing my new chest for the first time wears off. I also have a fantastic husband. I am extremely luck to have David. He's already told me that it won't make any difference to him as long as I'm alive and healthy. That's really the whole point, isn't it?

Bike Ride

We rode our mountain bikes deep into the woods to a secret spot where the raspberries grow. The bushes covered the sunny hillside and were heavy with fruit. We dropped our bikes to the ground and began picking and eating. The berries were sweet and tart at the same time. They were warm in the sun and you could taste sunshine and rain and the earth. We ate in silence with only the sound of birdsong and the breeze moving the trees. Wash the berries first, you might say? Well, no, this is a most organic and natural berry patch. Nothing to wash off. It sure was lovely and a great memory to savor when I'm recovering from surgery...

The post below was in Draft status. It's one month later and these side effects have pretty much all gone away - except for my face hair. For some reason, I kept losing eyelashes and eyebrows. Now, I have NO eyelashes, NO eyebrows, NO nose hair (TMI!). Oh well, it's good to have my energy back!

OK, here's my end-of-chemo inventory. After five months of chemotherapy,

Lashes

I saw in the mirror today that I have one eyelash left! One stubborn, determined eyelash on my right eye, upper lid. I seem to have continued losing eyelashes and eyebrows even after chemo stopped. I guess it takes a while for some of my components to get the message that the assault has ended. Oh, well, I feel much better and that's what counts.

I met my new, temporary favorite person last night. David and I were at the mall.