More surgical adventures

I had a small surgery done yesterday. The boobette is gone. The fluid and tissue that had collected in it was removed. The boobette was a seroma, or collection of fluid, under the skin following the mastectomy. My left side has healed up flat. Well, somewhat flat; there are always small puckers or bumps in the skin left behind with the scar. The seroma was on the right side. I think I did a few things after the mastectomy that might have contributed to the seroma. I didn't know that such a thing could happen, so as long as I felt capable of doing something, I did it. I think pulling weeds in the garden and doing an upper body workout at the gym didn't help. The surgical site was still healing inside and that strenuous activity may have caused more fluid to be encapsulated. The surgery I had yesterday was much, much less extensive than the mastectomies. But, this time I'm favoring my right side until the healing has really progressed. I'm even clicking the mouse with my left hand. I'm eating with my left hand also, but I've had years of practice at that. When I take a lunch break at work, I'll often do a crossword puzzle and write with my right hand while I eat with the left.

Boobette

I should write about happy things. More happy things happen than bad things. It's incredible that, even with cancer, life is still so good. I have almost no hair, but it's growing back. I have breast cancer, but the fight is going, mostly, very well. I've been through a lot, but I can still bike and do other things that I love. It's just that I have so much more to say about the crappy things that happen! I guess that's just the way people are sometimes. Get me mad and I'm off and running - at the mouth, that is. So, yeah, I'm mad right now. Mad that the 'seroma' that was a result of the right side mastectomy didn't 'just go away' as promised. It never even began going away. I have had a 'boobette' on my right side since the surgery. I will concede that the surgeon did a good job. That , being aware of my future plan to explore reconstructive surgery one day, a little extra skin was left behind. It was probably just happenstance that the seroma, the boobette, never resorbed. Now, though, the thing is infected! That's right, infected. The right side of my chest is the color of a deep blush and I'm on antibiotics for ten days. It's messed with my range-of-motion, feels puffy and stiff and made me really mad!

It's been a while since I posted...

Oh, yes, it has been a while. Maybe because the chemo thing is over and the surgery is over and now is the time to just work on healing.
I was talking to a co-worker last week about my cancer experiences. I don't see Dave very often on the PET/CT coach so we're not as close as Kristen and I are. Plus, it's just his personality to be a little more reserved. Dave is a really nice guy; very polite and considerate. My cancer is often the elephant in the room and I could tell that he had questions but was too nice to ask them. So, at one point I told him to ask away. Having this blog and sharing so many things on it has made me willing to answer any and all inquiries. Turns out that Dave was not especially interested in the nuts and bolts of cancer - side effects, treatment plans, etc. - but in how I coped, emotionally. Boy, when the guy opens up, he's got some real probing questions! I liked it. He wanted to know how I lived with having cancer. What I thought about the future. Whether I thought about dying or being really debilitated. These are questions I've certainly grappled with but to put it into words was sort of like honing my whole philosophy about cancer. It was a good exercise for me and I thank Dave. Here's my basic answer - keep moving forward! And, assume that things will turn out great! Keep doing everything that you can possibly do to fight and be as positive as possible. Think more about all the great things you'll be doing when all the treatment is over not about what you may have lost. Because, ultimately, cancer is not something that anyone wants but it sure has given me a new outlook and I'm thrilled to have an absolute mandate now to do more and be more!

Like Getting Blood from a Turnip

A few months back, my oncologist told me about a Hopkins trial that I was a candidate for. Dr Tuica said that my cancer cell type and treatment program fit the criteria for the trial, run by a doc friend of hers. I called up the Hopkins doc and we spoke at length about what would be involved. It sounded like a big time commitment, but since this is my Year of Breast Cancer, I decided to sign up for the trial. Not only did the treatment on trial have a strong possibility to actually do me some good, but I would be doing my small bit to help advance science! So, I made an appointment and went to Hopkins. The first wrong note sounded when the folks at the registration desk asked my for my insurance information. Why would they need that? I was there for a clinical trial, not treatment. I asked, but the clerks at the desk didn't know why; they were just doing their job of not letting anyone past the portal without insurance info on record. I had my vital signs checked and some blood drawn. The investigating physician conducted a long, detailed interview and sent me home with a thick sheaf of papers. My signature was need on the informed consent document, but it was much too huge to get digested at the interview. The next step was to go home and sign all the forms, then return for some additional set-up procedures (like testing to see if I would be allergic to any of the reagents used, etc.). The second wrong note sounded during the interview. I asked, unnecessarily I thought, if this would cost me or my insurance company. The doc said that they would only bill me or my insurance company if, during the trial, they did any therapeutic medicine. I tried to pin her down a bit, to see what that meant. Sounded like no- no charges would be billed because, after all, this was a trial that I agreed to participate in out of the goodness of my heart, not a required part of my treatment. The whole issue cleared up nicely when, a few weeks later, I received a bill for $380.00 with $1,330.00 'pending'! Whoa! I had no idea that participating in a medical trial can cost you money now! I remember the day when the participant got paid a small stipend. Apparently, those days are over and the docs need your money, as well as your body, to do a trial. I called the billing department and protested and am now waiting for my 'appeal'. I think that good ole JHH will have a great deal of trouble getting any money out of me. I didn't need that stinky old trial anyway!

Hair!

Shaved my legs today for the first time since December 2009! I also have eyebrows and eyelashes again. The hair on my head has almost grown in enough to look like a hairstyle, although nobody outside the military has a hairstyle like it. I'm starting to look normal again. But, as David reminded me the other day, I'll get less sympathy with hair than when I was bald. That's OK, I glad to be getting normal again.

Some Good News For A Change

First of all, I am recovering really well from the double mastectomy I had on July 7! I went on a mountain bike ride in the woods yesterday. 'Nuff said.

Also - and this is really good - my surgeon said that, because I had such a positive response to chemotherapy, that my prognosis (my long-term survival) is getting better and better!

Last, but not least, I was told yesterday that I am an inspiration! My friend K. and I were talking on the phone. She told me that women are universally afraid of getting breast cancer. That, I knew. But she said that I am getting through all the treatment and misery in such a fine way, that she is now not quite so much afraid of it. Breast cancer is not so scary. Wow, that is so significant, so meaningful to me. Almost makes getting breast cancer worthwhile...

Blow Out, but with a happy ending!

I think I inadvertently awakened a demon. Nah, that's not true - I am, in fact, an Oxycodone addict! Well, OK, that's not it either! But, it certainly has been a wild ride around here over the past 4 days or so. Here's what happened. I was taking Percocet (Oxycodone plus Tylenol) for pain after my double mastectomy on July 7. Highly necessary to have good pain relief after that! I was also doing my physical therapy exercises, natch, and they hurt. So, for a couple of weeks I was taking Oxy round the clock, albeit a small dose. Then, about a week and a half ago, I decided that I didn't really need it anymore. Interestingly, the only pain I was having at that point was related to being stiff after being in one position for awhile. David says the stiffness is related to the adhesions that can form around a surgery site. Anyhoo, a little movement and the stiffness goes away. Voila! Not wanting to put any more chemicals in my body than necessary, I stopped taking Oxy. This past Thursday, I noticed that, emotionally, I had been feeling worse and worse even though I was feeling better physically. By Friday evening, I was in a full-blown depression. Yuck! Complete with extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. I was crying just about unendingly and scaring the heck out of everyone around me - and especially scaring myself! I had not felt this bad for 16 years, not since I was finally treated for my long-time depression. Hence the "awakening a demon" comment. It's kind of funny that not too long ago, I had mentioned that past depression in this very blog. Did speaking (writing) it's name make it come back? Well, no. Since my psychiatrist is the keeper of my equilibrium, so to speak, I dialed her up. Sure enough, it turns out that a small percentage of people need to taper carefully when stopping Oxy. Not one of my other docs told me this. Stopping sort-of quickly can cause the miserable trifecta of depression, anxiety and insomnia. She advised me to take an Oxy pill immediately and see her the next morning where she gave me a schedule for tapering. off. Within an hour or two, I felt better. So much better! I feel normal again. Not that I won't have times of sadness - not that I won't cry. I do, in fact, have some mighty things to cry about. But, I am back on the track of standard emotions which, for me, is a wonderful place to be!