Nancy

Thank God for chemo drugs. Thank God for Adriamycin and Cytogen and Taxol. Thank God for Herceptin. Thank God for all the crazy drugs they give you to combat side effects like Emend and Decadron - they each have their own side effects!
Breast cancer doesn't hurt. There is no pain to wish gone, no injury to hope to recover from. No anticipated surgery that will fix everything and make you whole again. Breast cancer patients are already whole, for the most part. So, to make yourself sick and expose your body to poisons and debilitation seems so wrong! But, to live, treatment is the only choice. So, thank God for the drugs, every damn one of them. Working in healthcare, it's so easy to be a bit cynical about drug companies but thank God for them, too. And thank God for all the researchers and doctors and medical professionals and hospitals and universites who spent so much effort and time in developing and testing the drugs. Thank God for every last participant in every damn Race for the Cure that ever was! And thank God for Susan Komen, who died after her battle with breast cancer 30 years ago. Last but never least, thank God for Susan's wonderful sister who started the worldwide breast cancer awareness movement in memory of Susan. Susan's sister's name? NANCY - just like my wonderful sis!  But my Nancy won't lose me because of everthing that's been done in the last 30 years. Thank God!

5 Days Post 5 Days Post

It's been five days since the first chemo treatment. I feel better - almost normal! Just a little reflux easily controlled with good ole Tums. And, I really have a new appreciation for good ole ginger ale. I feel like I'm still into the process of facing so many treatments. Every other week til March, then every week until May!! Boy, I must have it really bad. Don't think Cheryl Crow and Christina Appelgate had so many treatments. Lucky me. But, with help and strength, I'll do it! And come out at the other end healthy and whole again.

Tried on a wig the other day. I can't really get too excited about the wig. It's beautiful and kind of light auburn and a little longer than my current short haircut. Here's the plus - I can wash it in the sink, shake it out, let it dry and plop it on my head. I think, when all the treatment is done and my own hair grows back, I'll put it (the wig!) through the shredder! BWA - HA- HA

Not So Bad

Got the first chemo last Friday. Everything is not so bad. Does chemo make you depressed? Don't know. It is like a lightbulb switched off, though. I feel kind of down. Of course, considering the circumstances, well, duh! Physically, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I had a little nausea over the weekend, but those drugs they give you for it are REALLY good! Mostly, I'm tired. They said I might have trouble sleeping from  the steroids they need to pre-treat you with but I've been sleeping 10+ hours per night so I guess they won't be a problem. It seems like I will be getting treated for such a very long time! I'm such a weenie about feeling bad. Hope the blog dosen't turn into a whine-fest...

Chemo - Day 1

Hi - I want to tell you a little about what happened on the first day of chemo but first I need to thank you all very much for your prayers, thoughts, messages of encouragement, phone calls and good wishes! They are all communication from your spirit to mine (and God's). I believe that we are all connected - this is not just New Age touchy-feely stuff. When I study the sciences, I learn more about how we are all connected, physically (really!). Many religions teach that we are all one, and so we are. You thoughts send me POWER and I feel it. Thanks! By the way, if someone could communicate the winning Lotto numbers ahead of time, I'd appreciate that too!

So, Chemo, Day1:

Took about 4 hours. Started with port access, blood test, steroid injection, anti-upchuck meds, etc. Then came two injections over ten minutes of the "Red Devil", Adriamycin (don't google it - too scary!). Then, a one hour infusion of Cytoxen (ditto on the google-ing). The nurses and staff at the Sinai Hospital Infusion Center are awesome! On this first day of chemo, we had so many staff visitors giving us support and info that we never even turned on the TV and I didn't finish a single crossword puzzle! I felt real good when we left so we went out to lunch and then stopped at Princeton Sports. Got home, took a nap and felt crappy when I woke up - headache and nausea. Drank lots of water, breathed, walked around and visited with David and N. Felt much better by 6:30 pm and ate an old standby - saltines and tomato soup! And I can't leave out 'The Simpsons' therapy. Comes on channel 54 at 6:00 and 7:00.

Good News and Bad News

More pathology results. I got some more details from the Oncologist. My cancer cells are the type with HER2NEU receptors. If you remember the cartoon of a cell that you learned about in Science class, picture it with some HER2NEU 'spikes' on the outside wall. The spikes are the receptors; receptors pick up chemicals that tell the cell what to do. The bad news first - cancer cells with these receptors are aggressive and grow fast. (could be why I 'suddenly' noticed a lump in my armpit.) The good news is that there is a treatment that very specifically targets these cancer cells and not a whole lot else AND the treatment is very effective. The treatment contains HER2NEU antibodies - yep, antibodies are what your body makes when you have an invasion of bacteria or virus like when you get a cold or are exposed to the flu. So, I get injected with these lab-created antibodies that travel through my bloodstream and ATTACK the cancer cells! This is called TARGETED therapy and creates a lot fewer side effects. I stiil need to do conventional chemotherapy first, but then I get Herceptin (the fancy antibodies) for a few months.

Let's Go!

I wish it were Friday so that chemo could get started! I feel strong and healthy and SO ready to let the battle begin!

Rue the day

Oh, oh, oh! Ten minutes after my tirade last night I really regretted it. The worker is only doing the best that she can. It's a funny system, the Department of Social Services and Foster Care, I think that the worker has a huge case load and has developed survival skills over the years. If it's not a crisis, it doesn't get attention so asking nicely, calmly, being reasonable doesn't even register! Must be why the tirade was so successful. I will be very kind when I call her back to apologise - humans should always share the love. It's all about - it's only about - the love. But, the devil in me is saying to wait until she accomplishes what I need her to, then apologise. Heh.