Debbie's Book

Props to my wonderful sister-in-law Debbie Godfrey. The book she gave me at the beginning of my treatment is now the only 'cancer' material that I read. The book is called "What Helped Me Through: Cancer Survivors Share Wisdom and Hope" by Julie K. Silver, MD. It's mostly quotes from survivors about non-medical issues; things that 'helped them through'. I don't look at articles about cancer or treatment. I don't read any of the other books that the hospital gave me. I don't surf the net. I don't read the handouts about the medications I'm being given. This is a little odd because I've spent my entire career as a Nuclear Medicine Technologist reading journal articles, going to continuing ed. seminars and in general learning, in detail, about everything new and known about the studies that we do. But, as a cancer patient, my only source of info about treatment and drug side effects are my oncologist and the nurses in the Infusion Center. The nurses, especially, are the best filter about what to expect with each treatment. Having seen and heard about all side effects, they tell me about only the effects that are likely to happen, not every possible one. Lots less stress!

The Night Before

So, I'm sitting here at quarter past eleven stuffing my face! Tomorrow, and for 5-6 days after, I won't be able to eat whatever I want so I'm enjoying the last moments of indulgence. But, oh, WAH! I sound like such a baby, worried about not eating everything in sight! I have real things to dread and real things to celebrate. First, the dreaded part, just to get the whining out of the way: Tomorrow will be perhaps the worst chemo I'll ever have. It's the very last really nasty one with Adriamycin and Cytoxan. Last week, when I was still feeling bad from the last one, I cried every time I thought about having to do this again this week! Please don't drag me down to the dungeon again! I do feel a bit more ready to run the gaunlet again now, though. Now that I'm back to normal and feeling strong, I can take anything they throw at me! Especially with the great finding this week, which brings me to the thing to celebrate.
Earlier, I wrote about not being able to feel the lump in my armpit. Well, I saw the oncologist today. After she examined me, she said "Jane, I want to make sure that you come in for your treatment tomorrow. The lesion is gone - sometimes my patients decide not to come back". She confirmed my own findings! The doctor even said it!! I told her that there was nothing that could keep me from the rest of the treatments. Bring it on! Let's stomp on every last one of those cancer cells!
There's one more thing to celebrate. It's the thing that I celebrate all the time now. It's the thing that amazes me and humbles me and makes me cry (in a good way). It's all the love, concern, prayers and good thoughts that are being sent my way. It's truly awesome! Life is beautiful and so are my friends and family! Thank you, thank you, thank you...

A Victory!

Well, I felt it two days ago, but wanted to wait and try again, just to be sure. I cannot feel the lump in my armpit any longer. If I press and press deeply, there might be something small and dried up deep down but the big round lump that I found back in December is G-O-N-E!! Woo-hoo! Your prayers and thoughts for me are working! Not to mention the yuckky chemo treatments. Now, I'm not saying or thinking that my cancer is gone. Nobody is saying that, yet. I haven't had any tests or imaging recently to backup my self-exam. The cancer exists in my body on the cellular level and demands that every treatment my oncologist has get thrown at it over the next months. LOTS more chemo, radiation and surgery are the weapons we will blast the bad cells with. But, OH BOY, do I feel good right now!!!

Nothing new

Hi! Just a quick update. Nobody wants to read a bunch more stuff about how I feel bad. Each day post-chemo is better, but each treatment takes a little longer for recovery. Thankfully, I have just one more really bad chemo. Then, it just continues until the end of May. And not a hair on my head! Makes showering so fast! No shampoo, no combing or styling and I just take the face cream all the way up and over...

Just Crush It With Your Car

Had another chemo today. There are 3 marbles in the dish and only one more of the really bad treatments. One more Adriamycin and Cytoxan, then we move on to Taxol and Herceptin and weekly treatments with less side effects. Yay! The Nurse Practiotioner and the Nurse told me today that the treatments I'm getting are really hard and that I am doing really well! That was so good to hear. I know I am strong and that I am moving through the program with a minimum of bad effect, compared to the old days when chemo was truly brutal. But I do feel pretty yucky (it's a medical term) for longer and longer after the chemo. So, I got some confirmation that I am not a whiny weakling. Nobody's saying that, but I feel like it sometimes!

I asked my nurse today if I could have the gigantic empty syringes that the Adriamycin comes in so that I could take them outside and run them over with my car a few times. But she said, surprisingly, NO! Darn, it's so rewarding to destroy the inanimate thing that has caused you misery. I have taken out and sledge-hammered the occasional recalcitrant blender or printer that has caused me nothing but grief. I put on my safety goggles and smash the crap out of it. Satisfying! I'm not up to swinging a sledgehammer right now, so I thought my car could fill the bill. But, the empty Adriamycin syringe would contain traces of a dangerous biohazard. When the nurse is giving it to me, she is swathed in a fluid-impermeable gown, wears a mask and eye protection and thick rubber gloves. So, she is safe (which is very good), but taking the syringe outside might hurt the poor road that I would smash it on! Somebody walking by might get a miniscule droplet on their shoe! But, yeah, that stuff gets pumped right into me - through my port, then it dumps into my heart and gets circulated to every cell in my body. Well...  these are not good thoughts for me to be having right now so I'll be chanting these phrases as I go up to bed: I LOVE my chemo!! It is saving my LIFE!! Go, chemo, go!!

Marbles

I got my marbles today! Before you read on, just get all the 'lost your marbles?/ found your marbles?' dialogues overwith.... OK, done now? Right! So, I saw this neat idea on a website for women taking chemotherapy for breast cancer. It was a set of eight small 'stretchy' bracelets made of pink and iridescent beads. Real cute. You wear all eight of them on one arm and as you finish a chemo treatment, you move a bracelet to the other arm. I've always liked a good graphic reminder. I nearly ordered the bracelets when the Oncologist told me that, instead of the usual eight chemo treatments, I hit the jackpot and will need 28. That won't translate so good into the bracelet idea. I got visions of bracelets popping off, getting too stretchy and getting really dirty over all that time. Enter the marbles! I ordered these special, online. Right now the 'Finished' plate looks a little forlorn. But, over time, I'll pack 'em in and fill up that plate, one pretty marble at a time.

Coneheads

We do kind of look like the Coneheads from SNL, don't we?