Had another chemo today. There are 3 marbles in the dish and only one more of the really bad treatments. One more Adriamycin and Cytoxan, then we move on to Taxol and Herceptin and weekly treatments with less side effects. Yay! The Nurse Practiotioner and the Nurse told me today that the treatments I'm getting are really hard and that I am doing really well! That was so good to hear. I know I am strong and that I am moving through the program with a minimum of bad effect, compared to the old days when chemo was truly brutal. But I do feel pretty yucky (it's a medical term) for longer and longer after the chemo. So, I got some confirmation that I am not a whiny weakling. Nobody's saying that, but I feel like it sometimes!
I asked my nurse today if I could have the gigantic empty syringes that the Adriamycin comes in so that I could take them outside and run them over with my car a few times. But she said, surprisingly, NO! Darn, it's so rewarding to destroy the inanimate thing that has caused you misery. I have taken out and sledge-hammered the occasional recalcitrant blender or printer that has caused me nothing but grief. I put on my safety goggles and smash the crap out of it. Satisfying! I'm not up to swinging a sledgehammer right now, so I thought my car could fill the bill. But, the empty Adriamycin syringe would contain traces of a dangerous biohazard. When the nurse is giving it to me, she is swathed in a fluid-impermeable gown, wears a mask and eye protection and thick rubber gloves. So, she is safe (which is very good), but taking the syringe outside might hurt the poor road that I would smash it on! Somebody walking by might get a miniscule droplet on their shoe! But, yeah, that stuff gets pumped right into me - through my port, then it dumps into my heart and gets circulated to every cell in my body. Well... these are not good thoughts for me to be having right now so I'll be chanting these phrases as I go up to bed: I LOVE my chemo!! It is saving my LIFE!! Go, chemo, go!!
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