This evening I told my friend Jeff some of the things I learned when I met with the Radiation Oncologist. These things surprised, scared and shocked him. I decided to share these things with you. The Radiation Oncologist
will plan and carry out my Radiation Therapy, happening a few weeks after the double mastectomy in early July.

Because of the aggressive cell type of my cancer and because it wasn't found until Stage III, the radiation therapy, like the chemotherapy, will be pretty aggressive. By the way, it was my own fault that the cancer was discovered in a late (bad, scary) stage. I put off getting my mammogram. It was almost a year late. If you are a woman, don't EVER do that!

The area of the radiation will be large. They will irradiate the left chest, the left armpit and the upper chest under the collarbone right on up into my neck, because there are chains of lymph nodes there, too. This is important to do because the cancer was found after it had already travelled from a tumor in the breast to the lymph nodes under my arm. This is not good because the lymph system can be a superhighway for cancer cells to get to the rest of the body. The imaging that I had done did not show any other areas of involvement, so it looked like the cancer had not escaped the lymph nodes under my left arm. But, cancer cells are small and tricky. Some, maybe only a few, could have slipped out and have not yet grown a tumor large enough somewhere else, like my lung or bones, to be seen by any imaging we currently have. So, aggressive radiation therapy is in  order.

The radiation to my neck could be problematic. There are many small, important organs and muscles in the neck that could be affected by radiation. The mechanism is kind of like burning or causing atrophy or outright destroying. This could affect the function of my voice or my swallowing. If the damage is permanent, my voice could be different; talking may be different. If swallowing is compromised, I might need to change my diet and eat soft foods easy to swallow. Worst case senario, I would have a feeding tube inserted in my abdomen to my stomach for external 'tube feeding'.

Please know that these are the worst possible outcomes, not definite outcomes. Any doctor doing a procedure needs to make sure that the patient is aware of anything that might happen. The Radiation Oncologists are very skilled and will work hard to minimize or completely avoid any of these bad things. I am very strong and healthy. I came through the chemo with flying colors. I expect to come throught the radiation in a similar fashion.

But, while talking with Jeff, I was crying. His fear reminded me that I had things to fear. It was a bad moment for both of us. I love Jeff and his concern touched me deeply. I don't regret telling him. It's all part of a process that's helping me get through this thing. We kept talking and started to lighten up the conversation. Jeff can always make me laugh. I came back to my center then. My center is the place where I know that everything will be OK. In my center, I am fighting the good fight with a good outcome. In my center, I am powerful and strong. There is absolutely no benefit in fretting and worrying about things that might never happen. I like to be in my center, where I can get healthier every day to prepare for surgery and radiation.
Let them give me all they got! I want it all because, more than anything, I want to live to enjoy this beautiful world for many more years!