You Big Baby!

I cried a lot today. I cried when I showed a nurse the rosary that my mother-in-law loaned me for chemo treatments. It is old and has been prayed on a lot. I take it with me for the power it holds. I cried in the car on the way home from the grocery store b/c I was thinking about the enormity of having cancer. Why, exactly, do I have cancer? How, exactly, did this happen? How could this happen to me; it can only happen to other people, right? I cried later thinking about all the ladies years ago who endured horrible treatments that made them vomit for days and shrink into not more than a walking skeleton. Those treatments were so primitive and were far less effective than what is available to me now. I cried at dinner, talking with old friends about what's happening. Most days, I am much more matter-of-fact. I do what I have to do, go where I have to go, deal with side effects, go see doctors, pick up films and all the other chores, big and small, that make getting cancer treatment a part-time job. But today, my eyes kept leaking. So, I think I'll just go to bed. And cry...